Night of Nights

Day 3

A picture of your favorite night

A few nights ago, I just sat outside for a solid time. No excuses- I just really needed time with the Lord to hear Him and give Him a small fraction of the time He so completely deserves to reply to the love gushed out on me each day. While sitting in the damp grass, staring into the space of eternity and all He created on the canvas before me (as a masterpiece created for us!!!) I felt this reassurance and heard this calming voice cover my thoughts of doubt, saying "It is TIME. You are going to love where I take you. Just let go of that hand and take hold of mine."

There are SO many nights I will treasure forever. Nights at camp, goofing off with friends, nights of intentional worship and prayer, nights of profound realizations, and this night of clear, pointed guidance that I had been waiting for, for a very long time. *heavy sigh of relief*

Balanced Controversy

Day 3

• Picture of the cast of your favorite show

I love the concept of Morgan Spurlock's '30 Days'-- You may recognize him from Super-Size me, where he directed a documentary style film about living on a complete Mickey D's diet; this show is very much like that in a social experiment sense. It's like Mythbusters meets What Would You Do? People, including Spurlock himself, go off on a 30 day adventure living in the life of a religion, a belief system, or a habitual way of life completely different from their own. Spurlock visits an Indian reservation, a white Christian man from Georgia lives with a muslim family, and many more controversial pairings. At first, this concept made me nervous-- There is so much potential to make this show a learning experience for the participants and viewers, as long as it didn't end up like a shouting match on the Maury show. I was hoping for something that would break me out of my comfort zone and really challenge me with some thought provoking questions to wrestle with, and I was pleasantly surprised with the results of each episode. People went home with new perspective, and I learned a great deal through their process of how to understand and love others despite their choices. And I prayed through so much of the topics they brought to life, lifting to the Lord what I thought my heart could be tweaked on.

There are three seasons of this out on Netflix-- I believe they are all on-demand (hint hint). : )

Huckleberry Friends.

Day 2

• A person who you have been the closest to for the longest time

I am so privileged to know this gal- We met when I was about 12, and she was 16-17, and hit it off quickly. She was so fun and quirky- Living in the country, collecting vintage wear, and dreaming of being a novelist/playwright... Conversations progressed to pen-pal letters and long phone calls, followed by drama work together with MCO productions. She is one of the best listeners and advice givers I know, and we've really grown through a lot of adolescence with each other's guidance and witness. It's been decided that we be old cronies together, living up our last days together after our supposed husbands are gone and we have nothing better to do than sit on the wrap-around porch and knit. : )

Love you my salty Huckleberry friend (haha).

Prompts.

It's time to start writing with prompts! I've liked the '30 Days' thing people are doing, so here goes:

A picture of yourself with 10 facts

A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

A picture of the cast from your favorite show

A picture of your favorite night

A picture of your favorite memory

A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

A picture of your most treasured item

A picture that makes you laugh

A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

A picture of the person you do the most crazy things with

A picture of something you hate

A picture of something you love

A picture of your favorite band or artist

A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

A picture of something you want to do before you die

A picture of someone who inspires you

A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

A picture of your biggest insecurity

A picture and a letter

A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

A picture of something you wish you could forget

A picture of something you wish you were better at

A picture of your favorite book

A picture of something you wish you could change

A picture of your favorite day

A picture of something that means a lot to you

A picture of yourself and a family member

A picture of something you're afraid of

A picture that can always make you smile

A picture of someone you miss

And that, friends, is what I'll be writing about : ) yay, so excited!!!

1. A picture of yourself with 10 facts

So this is me, Emily, Skeba, Nika, the nicknames go on....

1. I am left handed, and my birthday is November 1st.... Funny thing is, same goes for my grandpa and two cousins on my mom's side. Kinda weird...

2. I have a BIG sweet tooth. Peanut butter + chocolate is the equivalent of candy heaven to me : )

3. I hate it when people's wrists touch... Or knuckles pop. Gives me the squeemish heebie jeebies.

4. I have been in a wide spread of schools over my childhood: homeschooled for pre-school, kindergarten, and first grade, private school for 2nd, 3rd, and 4th, public downtown- Portland school for 5th grade, suburban Tigard school for middle and high school.

5. I love to garden. Something about getting that close to the ground reminds me of who made it, and how He makes such beautiful and substantial things out of dust. Plus I love gardening gloves : )

6. I work in a fabric shop and befriend old ladies who like to share about their busy-work projects.

Seriously, these ladies (most of the time) are so incredibly sweet. If not for this job, I would see the elderly in a much less brighter light. They can be grouchy, proud, impatient, and downright rude at times, but theses things and those who extend a courteous kindness in their wisdom inspire me to never really "grow old".

7. I have always wanted to be a missionary. A family who my parents have known since I was in grade school went onto the missions field for a long while, and the whole process they went through fascinated me. It got me thinking and reading into the ministry to see how I could travel, learn, and share with others the message of Christ along with a trade to teach people of another culture. I still want to do this; it all comes down to deciding on a trade I can take along....

8. CAT lover. Dogs are great, too- But there's nothing like having a feline curl up in your lap--- They're like warm, fuzzy, purring heaters you can take with you wherever you go... And they don't need to be let out! haha

9. I discovered how much I love sociology this last term. Social work or teaching, in any way or form, could be a very possible career in my future. I find so much value in working directly with people.

10. Cooking is a new hobby of mine. Can't wait to have a better budget and future friends and family to bless with recipes I dream of making from watching the Food Network or reading in Cooking Light! Love how nutrition can be an art form.

That's all for now- Looks like it's a gorgeous day outside... Most definitely a Sunday, and the first real day that's looked like spring! Thank you, Lord for the promise of new life that's beginning to spring out.

Full of Nothing

Hello. It's been too long since I've blogged, as usual, and I don't like this pattern!

I decided over spring break to take this next term off and work full time, at as many places that will take me until I leave for my --can you believe it--- internship- at Antioch church in Bend this summer. I've gotten a job for a couple of weeks at my college bookstore, and am juggling whatever hours I can at Joanns. I am looking for, applying, and making endless calls to craigslist ads and possible places for every position from sandwich making to dog grooming... Its just hard to find a place that is okay with hiring you for a month and a half... : / But my hopes are high, and my God is good- I really feel peace about this decision to get priorities straightened and rest in Him for this time as I prepare and pray for what may be a life-changing summer.

As for the fall, my heart is boggled. Like I keep find letters that make words--- Combinations of possibilities that MAKE SENSE, or that I say I'll pray about, but end up getting tossed around because of my doubts or unbelief, or sit and rot while I let the combination go to waste because I'm not sure if it's "the" one.

This predicament I continue to get myself into is what I'm learning to be a "full of nothing" situation.

I want time to rest in knowledge that God has a plan for my life, while learning about passions already stirring in my heart, while meeting and beginning relationships with people who strengthen and inspire me to worship the Lord with my life, while basking in a time away from the world I currently call home (is it possible that I have more than one?)

I'm noticing a disconnect so much more than ever between my standards and those of the place I live and participate in as a woman, a daughter, a voter, a student, a worker.... etc. titles. The priorities and assumed values of these positions aren't consistent with my own as an individual, as a child of God, as a modern day abolitionist, as a writer, as a dreamer, as an advocate for justice, as a FOLLOWER.

I'm not looking for a total escape from these discrepancies- it's impossible to avoid contact with all corrupt patterns of this world. We're called be ON the earth; so they come along with the territory of loving actively, being justice, and walking humbly with our God....At least in this life.....

I watched 'Eat Pray Love' for the first time a couple of days ago. And, all religious, spiritual, and other conflicting points of view aside from what I believe to be true, I got it.

It clicked with me when she wanted to savor beauty, experience culture and values outside of ones' birthright, and grasp what higher power existed in her personal life.

I don't feel like I'm living to the full potential God created me to live up to when I settle for the challenges of the place where I'm at right now. Granted, that's a hard statement to be sure of, but I'm trusting this conviction is what God has for me to act on.

So, I'm praying and heavily seeking the Lord's guidance about YWAM for this fall. That's also why I'm working full time- It's a big wad of money, a lot of time and commitment, but it's really where my heart is at. It's all I keep coming back to for what I WANT to be doing.

About $7,500 for September through June.... Think I can raise it/ make it by then?

wrestling match

i have this habit
i know we all do...
but i recognize it as excessive
and i'm noticing it's choke on me

i think too much
don't pray enough
but expect a path to clear
and lay itself before me

then when one DOES appear...
is it really there?
is it valid, or am i hoping it up in my head or my heart?

honest and truly.
wish someone would shake me hard,
give me a map,
and send me off to learn a little
humilityfaithempathygratefullness....
contentedness in the compass i DO have.

i take it all for granted.
and am writhing at that conceit
but don't want to leave the ground;
too afraid to lose my homestead-feet.

i want adventure, but at what risk, Lord?
anxious and worried to live in my old homes,
shutting out the new and undiscovered.

The Color of Christ...

I've been thinking about 'Go Green' for a couple of weeks now- about little things I could do everyday with resources, actions, and mindsets to use God's tools he gave to us effectively and with purpose.

I feel so very privileged to live in a state, (or a country, more like it!) where people are starting to come closer to terms with reality-- to learn about what we use to live, and be in thought about how our choices can directly affect the way we care for God's earth.

In sociology class (taught by the amazing professor Kim Smith, M.D.!!), we took an online survey to calculate approximately how many planets it would take if everybody lived one individuals' life. It measured a use of food, clothing, transportation, electricity, water... the list goes on. At the hit of the 'submit' button, results showed that for my lifestyle (which I would originally have said was more meager than typical) would take 5 planets if the whole population were to be sustained equally.

I was, and still am, totally flabbergasted.

Of course, it is always wise to take these mind-boggling realizations with a grain of salt. Calculations are rough- there are SO many variables to include, the population is in constant flux, and the things I do and use change on a day-to-day basis.

BUT, to take these things with intended wisdom does not mean to ignore them either.

It's one thing to think, "If I make a point to do ______ , what REAL change is this going to make?" (And the common result of this thought process is to revert to the old. the most comfortable. the out-of-sight, out-of-mind way of "dealing" with results of our consumption.

What if, and call me a hippie, what if...

• We took accountability in the way we consumed?
• We CARED for the way we are provided for- "Wow, Lord- THANK YOU for this shirt, this piece of bread.... Thanks for showing me how you love me through providing my needs."
• We consciously considered that the ways in which we use things directly affects the lives of other people? (Ethical, local, organic... Are these just fancy tags to rack up prices-- what do they stand for? Or regular run-of-the-mill products and services?)
• We made the effort to love God through the way we used the tools He gave us?

Search for what those things may mean on your own, in your heart and mind.

It is not to be ignored when the Lord said to "replenish the earth, and subdue it"

To "have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the heavens, and over the livestock and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth” (Gen. 1:26) undoubtedly means we have an encompassing DUTY to act in accordance to God's love for His creation, in whatever way He reveals just to you.

As scary as activism may seem, the Lord calls us to act. And what are we saying about His handiwork and His loving command to see that it is used in an upright manner, if we do not uphold this commandment to care and keep this space we have to worship Him with?

Lord, show us how to "Go Green"- in the way You deem righteous; a stance that puts Your love first...

What might these ideas mean for you in your everyday lives?

Pray and think along with me....