Thankfulness is what I long for

The simplest act of kindness impressed me today; after pouring myself a cappuccino in the cafeteria, I couldn't find my 5 dollar bill... A lady struck up a conversation with me about the coffee beans they use, and before I knew it, she was paying for my coffee. I really appreciated her heart- just looking for a conversation, but didn't back out of an opportunity to serve. I love that.
Thanks for your boldness within her, Lord.

I am thankful for how you are present in my Philosophy of Religion class. I reach a point every session where I think, "Lord, this is just STUPID. All this is about is ignoring you- Going in circles with no answers..." But, apart from the fact that this is just my perspective- (Loads of people have come to Christ through some kind of logical reasoning), and that I have been so blessed to grow up in a family of believers---- Apart from all this--- The Holy Spirit will prove present in someway. Almost immediately. One outspoken gal raised her hand just to say, "What's the point in that.. Or the point of all this, anyway? What do we have to DO with ourselves, to live for?" She spoke with such sincerity and fragility- As though she knew we didn't have answers; her rhetorical question was simple proof that the Lord is softening hearts.

And that's that for today- Profound moments where I could see the Holy Spirit alive and at work. I'm so grateful that you allow us to see and participate in such things, Lord- as minuscule and meaningless as they might seem- they fill me with such joy and peace that you are faithful to answer prayers. It encourages me to keep in prayer for such things to turn hearts to You.

Prayers...

Good morning, my Lord- Glory, it is a busy day...

There is so much to accomplish in these next few months, I just know the tide is going to pull me in and under if I'm not riding it completely with you. Diligence is part of the ride, but also a yearning to follow commands of a God who knows my heart and passions.

Help me to control impulses to make decisions I'm not yet ready for, to take rest more often than not, and to know my limits-- When should I bring hardships and worries to you? Certainly before talking with friends and families- You understand those best and are the only one with power to move in them as I turn them over to you.

For now, no more dreaming of future possibilities, future friends, someones, careers, colleges....
You have a place ready and waiting for me that I'll enter when it's time; Now is the time to seek you in the decision making- Where I will classify my values from passion to logic, and ask for your kingdom to come in whatever way suits my situation best.

Guard and protect my heart and mind from the evil one- He has traps set in place for me-- I have been ensnared, more than once, in these whirl-wind patterns of relying on MY knowledge, allowing daydreams, and being too afraid to make the most beneficial, wise choice I can.

My eyes are ever fixed on the prize; I await the day where I can serve you in a way most fitting for my passions and abilities. Keep me focused and aware of the place where I'm at, but ready to pounce at a moments notice for when fitting opportunities arise. I trust that You know what you're doing, and I'll continue to move forward as you lead me through what, for now, seems clouded and unsure. My eyes mean nothing without a journey to what they will feast upon.

"Elementary, my dear Watson"= barf

"When I was your age..."
"Well, don't you worry- God will show you the way; God will provide..."
"Oh, you should check in with my friend so-and-so and such-and-such college..."

I feel like reading the book I Kissed College Searching Goodbye.
Throw in the towel and make the decision I want to make, without anyone's help or introspective.

I don't know how much longer I can take talking with people about my future plans- I'm growing cold about the way they comment, critique, try to help me along, or simply won't STOP talking about the process. How do I put up a friendly but forceful demeanor that shows I don't want to hear about certain people's past experiences, advice, or say about my choices, or POSSIBLE choices, at that.

Lord, you have COMPLETE control over all this word demands of me in these next few months- You understand through experience how my mind, heart, and this world works-- You empathise and follow me on this journey greater than anyone here can. And for that I thank you and fall back on your guidance and touch of peace through the Holy Spirit.

I've done and have yet to do so much research work- People's little tidbits of knowledge and wisdom they can throw on me are now pricking holes in my sensitivity bubble. Back off, or God, give me a presence and toleration ability of steel- I'm simply tired of hearing over and over again what I already know and am workin g to act upon while going out of my way not to think about or over analyze possibilities too much-- God does know and will provide; I just don't want anyone to lead me through this besides Him and the people I have asked to do so.

Where We Gonna Go From Here?

Wow- just now realized how it's been since I posted last. Darn....
But I'm back- With a new focus and rejuvenated buzz for a better balance between work, school, and all things for Christ.

Looking at one of the readings from my philosophy of religion today, a passage stood out to me:
"He who begins by loving Christianity better than Truth, will proceed by loving his own sect or Church better than Christianity, and end in loving himself better than all."

Wow- That is some convicting stuff, even if the writer IS a stickler for "all beliefs must be backed up by logical evidence, or they cannot be justified". (yeah... We've been reading and discussing that stuff all the time in class. Gets kinda boring sometimes.)

But this text stuck out as rather relate-able for me: Recently, I had really clung to the idea of setting my self apart from the name Christianity has made for itself (in terms of the PEOPLE- Their hypocrisy, insecurity, and human tendencies to shy away from 'walking the walk'.) After brewing on that topic, internally, for about a week at the beginning of the term, I built up a sort of wall in my perspective- "I'm different than what Christianity has become- I really do want to, and believe I have the ability to love God's people, in tandem with the power and ability He gives me to do so." This notion, while somewhat balanced, gave me the excuse to block out the Truth--

The Truth, that includes our purpose, God's plan for us and all earth's design, is the gift given freely to us-- Brought about by sacrificial, but crucial death on a cross. Who am I to refuse such a priceless, undeniably revolutionary, and completely love-driven token?

I don't feel so ashamed to dwell on this mistake for too long, but thank you, Lord for working through this philosopher's words; showing me in what is normally dense and lifeless text that your living promise can be alive-- in those who TRUST in you and the titles you give us.

Getting a flashback to a childhood song-- Spelling out c-h-r-i-s-t-i-a-n, I am a christian.
That name entails so much in our country, in our world- In the ways we think, live, and how others view us. But the GOD WE SERVE under that name rings louder, and that Truth is enough to live on.

Father, you will never cease to amaze me with your validity and presence in perspectives as a child, a daughter, worker, and even as a college student. I trust you to break up the monotony of each day, revealing your encouraging love and kindness; this will lead me on to work for your glory, as a part of your people under the name of your son.

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. --Hebrews 4:12