I keep feeling like I get to a place of decision, as if "this is the best combination I've found so far, so it MUST be the right decision." That sentence has so many things wrongs with it, as well as the combinations of things I seek to do from Fall 2011 to Spring 2012, that I've reached un utter stage of complete confusion.
Lord, WHY are there so many things for me to choose from?
Am I scared to choose? Have I lost the fire I might have "once had" for doing something like YWAM, or ministry- Or do I still have that abundant zealous love in my heart-- And is it present; can others see it? Or am I so scared/ confused that I've set it on the back burner and have let practicality play as the big decision maker?
I want so desperately to please you. And part of this is by honoring you first with anything I decide. Did I really pray about the options I have come up with; did I really sense a peace from you about pursuing any one choice?
I will, ultimately, have to choose ONE way. ONE path to ONE program, school, internship, or rounded purpose in which I can better certain skills of a topic I care to serve with.
School is not only a smart choice- it is
- an option I am lucky to have and able to afford
- becoming a part of the structure our society is today- There really is no denying that it will get in the way of doing something I'll want to someday.
- An intentional time of seeking and skill building to do God's work during and after you're finished. (And I have definitely been failing at the 'during' part.)
- A segway to final connections: to the work you WANT to be doing, the people you WANT to be in community with, and a life you ARE called to live in accordance to your passions and the Lord's movements through your attention to Him.
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